If I Were Going Into The Sixth Grade Today

By Paul Peavy

If I were going into the sixth grade today;

I would know that at age 41 that would mean that I would have failed about 29 times.

I would shave every day because there’s nothing freakier than a sixth grader with a full beard.

I would keep taking art classes because even though I drew like a first grader that would mean if I kept up the same pace today I would draw like a thirty-six year-old.

I would take chorus because today I would sing as good as I think I can when the radio’s up full blast.

I would learn to play the guitar because every grown-up wishes they could play a musical instrument.

I would be more willing to act silly and goofy because trying to act all macho and tough is what really looks silly and goofy.

I would write in a journal because I could write whatever I thought and felt and no one would grade my grammar and spelling. (And I could just put a “100,” “GREAT JOB!!” and a smiley face at the top of every page.)

I would sit on the front row because this is the only brain I am going to have to get me through my whole life and I need it filled with as much stuff as possible.

I would find a way to like my teachers because they gave up whatever money and career choices they could have had because they thought teaching kids like me was worth trading their time and talents in for. (And they’re the ones who give out the grades.)

I would try harder to figure out what to do with those letters they put in my math problems when I started doing algebra. (Letters are hard enough in English class, why did somebody have to go and put them in my math class?)

I wouldn’t be ashamed that I still liked cartoons.

I would dance more and crazier. If you can dance and not be embarrassed in the sixth grade by the time you get to college and its cool to dance, you’ll have a ton more practice than anybody else.

I would ride my bike more. Riding a bike will always be cool, especially when you’re forty-one.

I would remember that my parents have feelings too and that they are more than just an ATM and a taxi service. I would occasionally give them a hug, ask them how they are doing, write them a nice note, or clean up my room without being told (OK, so this blows my cover, I’m definitely the parent of a graduating fifth grader).

I would talk to the nerdy kids or the kids with old clothes and I’d sit by them at lunch. If I’m really as cool as I think I am than my cool points won’t suffer and maybe one of these other kids has a better day. Besides a lot of these kids are funny or smart or at least very, very nice.

I would really get the most out of every day by laughing, playing and learning to the fullest because you are only in the sixth grade once. (Unless you would be like me which would mean if I kept up this same pace I would be in the sixth grade five times and boy would my parents be mad because that would mean they would be 97 years old when I graduated high school.)