Little League Parent Behavioral Contract

By Paul Peavy

I, _____________, hereby declare that being the parent of a ___ year-old who participates in youth sports do decree that I shall act older and more emotionally developed than my child. I agree to the following guidelines of behavior and if I cannot control myself I will l agree to the penalties contained herewithin.

1. I hereby agree that I shall not yell at the umpire. If I do yell at the umpire he/she is allowed to come over to work and yell at me everytime he/she perceives that I have made a mistake.
2. I hereby agree that I shall not yell at the coach to put my child into the game or be the one to take the game winning shot. If I violate this rule my child is allowed to come to my office and yell at my boss and tell him I should be the
   one to get the next promotion.
   
3. I hereby agree that I shall not yell at the other team. My child’s friends may play on these teams so l shall have to go to school and prepare snacks for entire grade.
   
4. I hereby agree that I shall not yell directions to my child on the field in the middle of the game. If I do this my child shall be allowed to come to my next party and shout directions to my parents such as, “No Dad, don’t eat the miniature corn on the cob like a typewriter!” or “No Mom, don’t double dip!”
   
5. I shall not yell, “The game’s on your shoulders! It’s all up to you! You’re gonna win or lose it right here!” If I fail in this regard my child is allowed to come to my job, look over my shoulder and say, “The mortgage! The mortgage! Get this document right or else we’ll lose the house! C’mon you can do it! The family’s counting on you!”
6. I shall not say, “You are here to win, not to lolligag around!” If in the heat of the battle I say this to my child my child is allowed to come up to me while I am watching “Survivor” and snatch the remote control from my hand and say, “The Wilson’s just added a pool to their house, Billy’s mom just got a huge new SUV, and two of your co-workers just got promoted. What are you
   doing? We’re here to win aren’t we, not just lolligag around?”
7. I shall not force my child to play a sport that he or she does not like. If I do this my chid may then choose my next career. He or she does not have to choose my career based on strengths, weaknesses, likes, or dislikes. He or she may simply choose my career based on money earnings, hours (depending on whether he or she wanted me at home more or less), or simply
   being say something cool about me at school like, “Oh yeah, well my dad works all night fixing the track at Space Mountain in DisneyWorld!”
8. I shall not call my child “Honey”, “Baby”, or “Sweetie” from the stands. The first offense I shall have to take the whole team to the video arcade to restore any “cool points” I may have stripped him or her of. The second offense I will have to allow my child any hair coloring, piercing, or tatoo of his/her choice. The third offense I will have to sign an agreement to buy him/her a BMW on his/her sixteenth birthday. (Yes, you have geeked him/her out that bad.)

Believe it or not the number one reason children sign up to play sports is to have fun. If you allow them to do this they can learn about their bodies, teamwork, perseverance, and yes how painful a painful a baseball to the head is while daydreaming in leftfield. (Sorry, it’s going to be up to you to figure out how to make yourself a millionaire.)