Easter Chicks And Bunnies

Happy Easter E'rybody!

Happy Easter E’rybody!


Tomorrow is Easter. It is a celebration of the most liberating day in the history of the world for believers.

It is the day that Jesus proved he was not crazy or delusional. It was the day he proved that he truly was the Son Of God.

He lived and died for us. He sacrificed his perfect life for us. He is not the politicians or preachers spouting judgmental rhetoric. He lived a perfect life and looked imperfect people in the eye and loved them and forgave them. He lifted up the rejects of society and elevated him to his level rather than looking down and stepping over them or on them.

Celebrating with baby chicks and baby bunnies and brightly colored eggs and clothes is okay with me because nothing we could really do would match the amount of joy, relief, and celebration we should have. Heck, I think we should celebrate with free rides on unicorns with wings made of bacon!

Celebrate like crazy because we know that all are invited and all can partake in this freely given gift, day, and life!

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Mr. Woible’s Foibles: The Valentine’s Chapter

 

 

Mr. Woible’s Foibles: Valentine’s Day Massacre

Scott was studying the giant Valentine’s Card rack hard! I mean really hard. I mean like if he studied this hard in school he would probably be sent to Harvard and then straight to the rocket making factory. If you were a fly in his brain (which would be very gross) this is what you would hear.

“Old fashioned sports stars. Boring.”

“Cars. Maybe.”

“SpongeBob. Funny. But I don’t  know if Angie thinks SpongeBob might be too childish.”

“Zombies! Cool! But I don’t know if Mr. Woible allows Zombie Valentine’s.”

“Hello Kitty. Cute! Wait! I did not just say ‘Cute!’ and reach for the Hello Kitty Valentines, did I? No! No! Now I to reach out to touch the Zombie Valentines to erase the Hello Kitty Valentine’s touching.”

“Close ups of pets. So close up they made their eyes look like giant bug eyes. Cute. No, no, no, because I just said ‘Cute’ again!”

“Angry Birds! Yes Angry Birds! Just the right amount of funny and cool!”

No matter if Angie really liked Angry Birds or not she has to know that if I like Angry Birds, I am cool.”

He picked up two boxes and put them in his mom’s grocery cart. Finally after three stores Scott had the perfect Valentines that his guy friends would not make fun of and Angie would know how totally awesome he really was.

As his mom pulled out of the Valentines section, Scott quickly grabbed a giant sucker that said “Be Mine” on it and slipped it into the grocery cart. His mom looked at Scott and Scott looked back at her and gave her the “Don’t ask” look. His mom shrugged her shoulders and followed the “Don’t ask” thought that Scott had magically passed to her with his super powered brain waves.

When they went by the shoe polish, Scott said, “Will that white shoe polish brighten up my tennis shoes?”

“I guess so,” his mom replied as Scott put the shoe polish in the buggy.

As they were checking out at the cash register Scott saw the hair cutting place inside the big store.

“Mom, I think I need a haircut, don’t you?”

Scott’s mom looked at Ray very oddly for a second. “Who was this kid?” she thought. Her son had never wanted to get his hair combed before, much less cut. At the register she noticed he even snuck deodorant into the grocery cart.

Then she understood what was going on, “My little Scooter-Pooter, do you have a gir…” Just then Scott shot his eyes and his razor sharp brain waves at his mom!

“Do NOT say girlfriend in your out loud voice in this ginormous store!” was the mind wave he sent to her. It worked once again.

She froze and did not say anything other than, “Yes, Scott I do think you need a haircut.”

They sat down in a chair and Scott picked up a magazine. The lady hair cutter said, “I believe you are next, sir.” Scott carried the magazine with him.

“Let me guess, you want the Justin Beiber special.”

“No!” said Scott a little too loudly. He could not say exactly why but a long time ago Justin Beiber became way too cool so that he had become very, very uncool.

“I want to look like this,” as he pointed to a movie star with long blond hair and a beard.

“Okay” said the lady hair cutter even though Scott’s hair was brown and short. “Shaving your beard would be an extra five dollars you know.”

Scott froze. He had not considered that he needed a shave. Doesn’t shaving with a razor hurt? Maybe you need to shave if you get a girlfriend. Maybe…just then his mother saved him.

“No thanks I did not bring enough money for the shave. He’ll just have to go with that rugged look.” He liked his mom for saying that. He had never seen a hair on his face but his mother must have noticed that he looked like those tough guys on TV that always looked like they had not shaved for three days. Scott moved his head exactly as the lady barber asked and kept it still just as she asked. This had to be just right.

“There! Take a look, handsome!” said the lady barber as she held the mirror up for Scott to look at.

“Hmm…” Scott thought a little disappointed. “I look like me with kind of square hair.” Oh well, he knew he didn’t want her to cut any more off. He figured that it would grow out a pretty good bit while he slept and then he could shake it in the morning and the square look would be gone.

When they got home, he wolfed dinner down. He wolfed it so fast he only actually recognized the mac and cheese. The meat was, well, whatever it was, he covered it in ketchup and ate it in three giant bites. He then dashed upstairs and picked out his clothes for tomorrow. He had never done that before. He had always just thrown on whatever he picked up first. His cammo pants looked both cool and tough. The shirt, well there the Angry Birds shirt was just staring him in the face. Cool, tough, and Valentine’s red.

He squeezed the shoe polish on his tennis shoes and it dripped out and all over the shoe. Then he stopped squeezing and spread it over the dirt and scratches. Cool! But he had to keep it off the cool black symbol. He got a little on the symbol but grabbed one of his other t-shirts and wiped it off. “Very cool!”

Now time to write on the cards. Marie was first on the list. He took her card and put it to the side. He needed to think about what to write here. He simply wrote each name on a

card as he went down the list and his own name where it said “FROM:__________”. He still couldn’t think of what to write on Marie’s since it had to be just perfect. He would wait until just the right words came.

Time to shower and shower good! Because if it is one thing Scott had heard a million times it was, “Girls don’t like stinky boys!”  He had been told this by the following people: His mother, his father, his big sister, his mother again, his big sister’s friends (Molly, Allie, and the girl who always wore striped socks), his big brother, his big brother’s friends (Butch, Reggie, and some guy who was always sweaty and smelled bad), his mother again, his bus driver, his P.E. coach, his football coach, Marie and of course, and his mother again and again. All that he thought about was that Marie said that about some other boy after P.E. so he knew it mattered.

After he got out of the shower he messed his hair up with a towel so that it all stood completely up like he had just wrestled a helium balloon. “Cool!” he thought and he hopped into bed hoping his hair would stay that radically cool!

He woke up the nest morning and ran to the mirror. “Bummer,” he thought. Some of his hair stood up and some of it laid stuck down like a box. It looked like somebody had tried to put a very small lion into a box to mail it. He wet down the standing up parts after he realized he could not wet them up. He brushed his teeth extra long singing the birthday song to himself three times while he brushed to make sure his breath was shiny and his teeth did not stink (or whichever way that was supposed to go).

He jumped into his cammo pants and slid on his Angry Bird shirt and slid the Valentine’s cards into a bag and then the bag into the back pack. He then picked up the giant heart sucker and wrapped it with toilet paper so it did not break and stuffed it into his backpack.  He grabbed a breakfast bar and jumped into the car before his mother even got there.

“Did you remember your Valentine’s cards?” His mom asked.

“Yes, Mom,” this was THE big day how could he not remember his Valentine’s Day cards? He tried to not to be a smart aleck so she had no reason to ask any more questions.

When the school came into sight he started scanning for Marie. Not that he wanted to give her the giant sucker before school but just so she could check him out with his cammo pants, Angry Birds shirt, double white tennis shoes, fresh smell, and maybe kind of cool hair.

The usual gang met before school but Ray could not pay attention to anything anyone was saying because he was on Marie-scan mode. Actually the whole day went like that. The bell rang and startled him from his Marie-scan and he walked into class and sat down. No Marie. What if she didn’t…just then…

Marie……..walked…….in…..to……the……classroom.

It…was…like…she…walked…in…in…slooowww …m  o  t  i  o  n.

 

She had on a pink shirt with one of those crazy big eyed dogs on it that was surrounded by red and white hearts.  She had on white pants and she had on white, white tennis shoes like his! Scott’s heart beat louder than Willard’s bass drum in the Camp Peavy Middle School band.

After seeing her, his whole attention span was just Marie-scan all day long. What would Marie think if he answered a question?  What would Marie think if he caught the ball? What would Marie think if he got up and walked over to the pencil sharpener?  Would Marie think it would be cool if he ate left handed?

Finally after the whole day had dragged by it was time for the Valentine’s party. He took his turn and went to hand out each Valentine into the bag with each name on it. He calmly passed by each name and dropped his Valentine into each bag. “OH NOOOO!” he thought. He never even wrote Marie’s name on her Valentine. “UGGGHHHH!” He thought. What could he do? After dropping everyone else’s card off he ran to his desk and scribbled Marie’s name and his name in the right places and ran the card back to Marie’s desk.

“Did you forget about me?” Marie asked him.

“No, no, no…” stammered Scott, “I wa-wa-wanted to make it sp-sp-special.” This is worse than anything he could have ever imagined. He had said “special” in his out loud voice so everyone could hear it. Then there was nothing special about chicken scratching his and her name very quickly on a store bought card.

He looked at the card with her name on it to him. A bug-eyed bulldog with the words “You Make My Eyes Bug Out!” He could not tell if this was a good thing or a bad thing and he could not get Marie to look at him.

At least he had the giant heart sucker to give her after school. The punch sipping, card reading “party” dragged on because Scott was now thinking of the perfect line to say to Marie after school when she was presented with the royalty sized heart sucker.

“I like you, do you like me?” No that’s like being a buddy like Juan is.

“I like you, like you. Do you like me, like me?” Oh jeez, I sound like I have the like-stutters.

“Do you want to go out?” Go out where? Go out and ride on my bike handlebars? No. That’s just dumb.

Just then the bell rang and everyone headed out the hall. Oh, no he lost sight of Marie. He looked down each hallway. He got out to the car pick up line. His mother was first in line! She’s never first in line. He quickly looked to the left and there was Marie standing next to Carla.

Scott ran over more quickly than he had ever run when he played baseball. He reached into his backpack and grabbed the stick of the sucker. He stammered, “Umm…umm…will you marry me?” Oh no! It could not get worse. Oh yes it could. He

pulled out the sucker but it was still covered in the toilet paper he had wrapped around it that morning. He threw it at her and ran as fast as he could and jumped in his mom’s car.

“Floor it! Mom we gotta get out of here! Everyone just saw me propose to Angie with toilet paper on a stick!” His mother looked at him very strangely and all she could figure was that the new haircut, the shiny tennis shoes, the sucker, and the scruffy 5th grade beard had not worked well for her son that day and it was her job to drive the get away car to save her little Scooter-Pooter.

Just as they stopped to let the kids in front of them cross the street Scott saw Marie looking at him with her eyes crossed and a pretending to eat the toilet paper off the sucker, laughing and nodding her head yes.

“Yesss!” smiled Ray in his out loud voice, “Yesss!”

A few blocks down the road his phone buzzed.

“I don’t think my parents will let me get married until I’m at least in middle school. LOL But I am going skating Friday night, I hope you are too.”

Scott smiled, looked at his mom, and nodded his head and whispered “Yessss!”

His mom looked at him, smiled, nodded her head and thought, “I have such a strange kid.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Don’t Quit Your Day…

“Don’t Quit Your Day…Dream!” I just saw that on a t-shirt at the gym and I l love it!

How do I do that?

  1. Get in touch with your daydream by thinking of the things you wanted to do as a child. That is usually a pretty good indicator of your passions and your gifts!
  2. Don’t just stand there, do SOMETHING! Google a class, find a group, contact somebody somewhere who knows something.
  3. Dream on but now use your hands and feet!
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New Yadda Yadda Yadda Resolutions???

 

new years dogs

             So you think you want to make a New Year’s Resolution, do ya’?  As ESPN analyst Lee Corso says, “Not so fast my friend!”

          If you are not completely sold on the commitment and sacrifice it would take to make that change in your life I suggest you pass. In the old Seinfeld sitcom Elaine would say, “Yadda yadda yadda…” when she didn’t want to say something or she didn’t think the details were important. If it comes up at a party or a family gathering you can just say, “I’m going to make a New Yadda Yadda Yadda Resolution to you know, um, just lose weight, you know…” That way you let people know you are just participating in a party trick that will be over at the end of the party. If, however, you are really seriously interested in making a life changing commitment to something really important to you here are some tips to making it happen. 

1.     Label three sheets of paper “What,” “Why,” and “How.” Why write things down? It gives it power to actually put things down in a concrete way.  It gives you power to re-read them. It gives you an avenue to think through these things. 

2.   On the “What” sheet write what you want to accomplish. The  more specific the better. Putting dates will also help you have a concrete start, progression, and end date. 

3.   The “Why” is very important. If the “Why” has anybody else’s name in it you may be at risk for bailing on the goal when you are mad or frustrated at that person. You may sabotage your goal to try to make that person mad. Now if you have a true deep unbendable respect for that person like a grandparent or a coach then go ahead but remember you and only you are the one responsible for your life choices and your life path.

4.     The “How” is where you should brainstorm as many possibilities as you can. “I will set my alarm for as late as possible for not allowing one ‘Snooze Button’ slap.” “I will show my better attitude by shutting my mouth when a negative is about to come out or follow any negative comments with a positive comment.

5.     Post your papers where you can see them. Make mini versions on sticky notes and put them on places like your mirror. Placing them in the car is helpful for when you are tempted to go through a junk food drive-through. 

6.     Share your goals in your “out loud” voice. Give copies to your friends so that they can hold you accountable.  Chris Davis, the Auburn defensive back that returned a missed Alabama field goal for a 107 yard touchdown tweeted out that he wanted to get on the return team almost a year before he made one of the greatest plays in college football history. How about being brave enough to tweet your goal out for the world to see?

7.     In the words of the late North Carolina State basketball coach, Jim Valvano, as he was fighting cancer, “Never ever give up!” If you fall off the horse one time, get back up quickly.  If the goal is still important to you, you need to keep trying. Brainstorm some more for your “How” list. All of your failures will simply add up to things you have learned about how to make yourself a success if you stick with it.

Your life is too short not trying to be the best you can at whatever you choose. New Year’s Day is a great time to start really marching to your own drummer to your own mountaintop. Don’t let this time slip by with just another “New Yadda Yadda Resolution.” Have the guts to step up and say in your out loud voice, “Here is who I am going to become and here is how I am going to get there!”

          Happy New Year and I look forward to seeing the new you (even if I have to squint because you are way high up there on your mountaintop)!

 

*2013 was the Chinese Year Of The Snake so we combined the number 13 with a snake. That was just genius, huh? 2014 is the Chinese Year Of The Horse. So GIIIIIDDDDYYY  UUUPPP!!!!! (And of course this gives literal meaning to if you fall off that horse get back straight up in that saddle and go like a cat to catnip harvesting party!

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Holiday Stress Should Be An Oxymoron!

          Holiday stress should be an oxymoron shouldn’t it? Phrases like “Jumbo Shrimp” and “Delicious Diet” where the words seem to be almost opposites. If it started with the simplicity of a manger and a baby shouldn’t it remain that simple.

            I don’t know about other countries but America has definitely taken the art of excess to excess. And nothing is more excessive than our holiday season. Not only does it feed the buy now, pay later monster and it’s cousin the pay more than you can afford monster, it feeds the overfeed your belly and over schedule your dragons.

The problem is that you try to fit 80 days of joy into a 25 day period and nobody suddenly gave you 29 hours in a day or 9 days in a week. So the answer to having a truly having a freeing, joyful holiday season is in the power of the “No!”  “No!” is not being Scrooge, “No!” is taking care of yourself so that you can be the merriest of merry.

“No, I want try to make two parties on the same night.”

“No, I want have some of your cake, and your cake, and… your cake.”

“No, I can’t go into major debt to buy you a toy, or a phone, or a computer tablet.”

It’s OK to say “No!” and the sooner you do it, the less stress you have in the worrying about it time zone.

It is OK to also say “Yes!”

“Yes, I will still find time to exercise because exercise gives me energy! Not exercising makes me tired.”

“Yes, I want to spend times with my friends that energize me and make me laugh!”

“Yes, I will give myself permission to go to bed early one night.”

It is your holiday season. Take charge of your joy, your giving and it will definitely give you a nice gift of an energized, joyful time of year.

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Don’t Let This Become Black-Eye Friday!

When reaching for that tablet or sweater keep your elbows within the frame of your body. Don’t let this become Black-Eye Friday!

You’re welcome!

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The Thanks Whisperers

 

 

The Thanks Whisperers

We have become a nation of Thanks Whisperers. While we may shout and yell about everything else like sports and politics and smartphones, we only like to whisper an after thought of thanks.

I think it is interesting that people say that poor people in our country somehow feel entitled to food stamps and healthcare, yet it seems to me I’ve seen a lot of middle and upper classed kids who feel “entitled” to their Starbucks, designer clothes, and a car. This is not a statement trying to evoke class warfare. I think we all take so much for granted in America that we truly have lost touch with being grateful for the basics.

thanksgiving doorbusters

beach jump groan upboogie thankful!!!!

I am not the inventor of the irony that we will pause on Thanksgiving for “ALL THESE MANY BLESSINGS!” and then get up at 4:00 am to create a capitalism stampede for what we want the next morning on Black Friday. Heck, sometimes we can’t wait until Friday and now have the stores opening Thanksgiving afternoon.

If one were so inclined how would one go from being a Thanks Whisperer to a Thanks Liver? (Not the stinky iron rich meat but a person who lives gratefully.)

1. Take inventory. Notice what you really do have. Start at, “Do I have food and shelter?” “Am I safe?” Write these things down and you may be shocked by what all you do have.

2. Live gratefully. Be grateful to your cab driver, barista, secretary, or waitress. Say “Thank you” to people when they provide you service. ASK ABOUT THEIR LIVES! Learn something about these other people and then follow up with them each time you see them.

3. Sit on it. Meditating or praying about what you are thankful for can indeed reset your mindset.

4. Laugh. Laughter is the ultimate sign that you have what you appreciate what you have.

5. Be with friends and family and don’t turn it into a whine festival. Too much time spent with friends and family. If that time usually turns into a negatifestival do something to break the cycle. Play a board game, go to a movie, do something to start a positive cycle.

Happy Thanksliving!

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